We are going to be okay
by themanemmaloves
Summary: !Spoilersy stuff in this summary. I saw a theory of Emma and Killian sharing a bed in Camelot and it kind of inspired me to write this thing. It's not smut guys, I like it a lot better this way. Basically Killian notices the darkness changing Emma in some ways which leads to a bed talk with a lot of feels. Fic itself doesn't spoil anything but their location.


He could feel it everywhere. In the way her touch sometimes felt different. In the way she would clench her fists every time she would get even slightly mad. In the way she talked. In her smile. In the way she would isolate herself. In the way he would see her drift away in her thoughts. Gone for minutes. Sometimes longer. It all felt far too strange to understand and get used to.

But it isn't always like that. She's still her. She is still the woman he loves. The woman he will always love. She is still his Swan, no matter what.

But he couldn't help but notice the little changes in her. All the little things he got used to were suddenly gone. That's probably what being consumed by darkness does to a person. And what killed him most of all was the fact that he was unable to do anything to make things right. Not in a way to fix her or anything... Simply to see her happy again. Comfortable with herself. And not this terrified and distant.

It was probably late when the two of them finally decided to go sleep. Emma pushed the door open, strong scent of roses overwhelming her as she entered the stunning room gingerly, Killian following her steps.

A lot bigger then hers in Mary Margaret's apartment, that's for sure. And the red sheets on the huge bed were quite refreshing compared to her typically plain and boring ones. The walls were decorated with old dusty pictures of whoever the hell that was, and Emma was too tired to even bother trying to guess.

She was the first to lay down. It's honestly exhausting to watch everyone worry about you while you try your best not to give into the strange tempting impulses you suddenly have running through you. Even though you're convinced they are stronger then you and will end up overpowering.

„Darling, are you sure you're comfortable with this?"

„With what?"

„Us sharing a bed? If you're not I can ask for another room or-"

„For the two hundreth time today, yes Killian, I am sure."

„Alright..."

Awkwardly enough, he slipped out of his leather jeans and put on some baggy monstrousity Arthur gave him.

„This is bloody ridiculous."

Emma couldn't help but chuckle. She burst into laughter when he started hopping on one leg before tripping over his own feet and falling on the bed next to her.

„Not funny."

He made that 'quite offended' face of his, that never really worked on her. She knew deep down he wanted to laugh but his pride was too big to do so.

„Are you sure? Because from this angle it's preety damn funny."

He tried to make it seem like he wasn't amused. He really did. But her smile was his weakness, and he just couldn't help but laugh along.

Settling gently underneath the sheets, he turned his head to look at her. Not even her deep gorgeous eyes gazing lovingly into his or her lousy attempt of a smile could change the fact that he saw right through both. Emma was _terrified_. He always knew to recognize that.

The second she realized what he was about to say, she turned her head away, eyes focusing on the chandelier above them and the way the moonlight reflected on the thin chains holding it.

His voice was soft when he finally spoke to her.

„Emma, what's wrong?"

She placed her hand beneath her cheek and finally looked back at him. The same way she always would when she tried to not show how she felt. An obviously fake smile tugged at the corners of her lips and she moved closer to him. He could feel a wave of chills running through his body once he felt her warm breath dance on his cheek.

„No need to pretend."

„I know."

Taking her hand gently in his, his voice low and husky, he asked

„Then what is it?"

Emma exhaled deeply, looking away before she managed to look at him again with words to speak.

„I am scared, alright? I'm scared."

„Of what?"

Her voice was quiet, some words sounded more as a whisper.

„That I'll hurt someone. Henry... Or my brother and parents... Or you." His fingers traced a soft line on her cheek, he hoped in some way she would know he wanted to reassure her. And she did. Just as he was about to speak, finally finding the right words, she added „I don't know how long will I be able to control myself."

She was falling apart. As much as she pretended she was holding it together, she really was falling apart.

„We can get through this, you know? We always do in these kind of situations."

„But Killian, this isn't just like any other situation we went through. You know that."

„Aye. Doesn't make it impossible to get through."

She looked away – a desperate attempt of hiding the tears pooling at the corners of her eyes.

„Emma."

All he heard a was a soft 'hm' escaping her lips in response.

„Look at me."

With hesitation in her movement, she gathered enough strength to look at him. Her eyes were already puffy and red, her upper lip trembled when she was about to speak before giving up. And he didn't want her to say anything. He just wanted her to listen to him.

„When I watched you disappear, I thought it was over. I thought I'd never see you again. I thought I'd never find you. That I'll never get to touch you, talk to you, hug you... I thought I lost you. But guess what?"

Her face slightly brightened up at his words and they forced a smile on her face, for the first time in awhile – it wasn't a fake one.

„I did find you. Despite how terrible opportunities for that looked. Don't lose hope, love. Don't do that to yourself."

She moved closer to him, face nuzzling against his neck as she pressed a soft kiss there. She still tried to solve the mystery of how he always tasted like sea, or at least reminded her of it.

„Okay. I'll try not to."

She had already relaxed against him, hand resting on his chest and his on her thigh while their legs stayed tangled when he interrupted her.

„Hey..." Looking up, she saw the worried look on his face. The same look he gave her once he revealed Rumplestiltskin's plan in the loft. He was scared too.

„I can't lose you either."

She kissed him briefly, before moving away and softly whispering

„You won't."

Killian put his arm around her, finger tapping lightly at the base of her spine as she placed her head on his shoulder.

„Good. Because we need you."

She chuckled quietly before suddenly raising herself to her elbows and the getting up. Before Killian could even realize what was happening she was already straddling him, but the second she was about to kiss him he stopped her.

„What are you doing, love?"

„What do you think?"

She pressed a kiss to his lips but he moved away quickly again.

„Emma, darling, as much as I would love to – and trust me, I really would..." He took a deep breath before continuing „Let's not"

„Why?"

„Because... I don't want it to happen this way. It's better if we wait."

Emma smiled, hand getting tangled in the strands of his hair as she leaned her forhead against his. Her voice quiet and calm, she said

„Okay... We wait."

She climbed off of him and returned to her previous position, which was far too comfortable to change for now. Killian started pressing soft kisses on her forhead, his delicate lips dragging lazily across her skin. She loved it like this. From the noise that her life became, quiet moments he talked about were a form of a blessing.

„Can I ask you something Swan?"

„Anything." She murmured against his shoulder.

„Before you sacrificed yourself, you said that you..."

„That I love you?" She smiled at herself. She couldn't not to.

He chuckled and chose to pretend it didn't sound as fake as it was.

„Aye. That. I was just wondering, did you really mean it?"

She looked up at him again, only this time, he was already looking at her.

„Hey..." She placed her hand on his cheek. „I know I held back from a lot of things, and I know that the timing couldn't have possibly been worse to say it... But yeah. I meant it. I love you, Killian."

His face lit up at her words, a sincere smile actually appearing on his face as he pressed another kiss on her forhead before wrapping his arms more firmly around her and pulling her even closer.

„I thought I'd never get a chance to say anything back, you know?" His voice was quiet, quieter then she ever heard it. "I love you too. I love you so much, Emma." And she was sure he meant it. For the first time in a long time she wasn't scared she would get walked out on. He was here to stay and she knew it. He proved that, over and over again.

The last words she heard were him gently whispering, half asleep as well.

„You're going to be okay. _We_ are going to be okay."

Zavrsi sa 'we wait'


End file.
